Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
