i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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