I would go down on you faster than GM stock
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Randomize
