i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
