Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
