I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
You are the jesus of drinking
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Randomize
