I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
