well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
