I'm so fucking centered right now
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
