please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Randomize
