I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Mom said you looked used
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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