Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
