32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
