Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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