Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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