your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
