oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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