Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
