State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
