He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Randomize
