3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
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