I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
