when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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