kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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