Swine flu. Run for my life!
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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