i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
