No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
