i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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