you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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