Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
