You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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