Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
The power of my boobs compel you
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
