You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Life is so much better after having sex.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
