Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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