you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
