I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize