all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
