i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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