He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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