I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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