the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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