So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
