she looked like the before picture.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Randomize
