well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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