Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
