at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
