3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
