'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
