you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
