I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
