I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
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