I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
