Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
