She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
We are all done wearing pants today
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
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