It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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