I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I skipped work to stalk him.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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