Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
