My underwear smells like fireworks.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
you will always have a special place in my vag
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
