yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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