So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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