If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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