this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
