good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
