you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Randomize
