If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize