I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Randomize