so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Randomize
