yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
