Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
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