Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
