I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Randomize
