My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
