I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Randomize
