I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
