some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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