i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
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