I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
You took a bar mat shot.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
