dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize